sad

I am feeling overwhelmingly sad lately. There seems to be so much going on with so many of the people I love. And I feel like there's nothing I can do. Some of the crap is stuff that was caused by my actions, or at least involves my reactions. So some of it can be blamed on me. I always think of myself in a positive way... I try very hard not to be a burden or albatross to anyone. But I'm only human. And sometimes I do things that are hurtful, or I make a bad choice, or I behave poorly. But I never have bad intentions - I just screw up sometimes.

I think of myself as generous, caring, and compassionate. But the instant that I do or say something out of my normal character, people forget the good qualities that I have like they never even existed. Have people just stopped forgiving each other? Is that why it's so hard for me to cope with this pain? Do I forgive too easily and not realize that other people don't? I just don't know anymore.

I feel myself sliding into a very depressed state of mind. I'm honestly not sure where to start to get myself back on track. I think it would be beneficial for me to see a therapist, but I just don't have that kind of money. There are so many issues weighing on my mind right now with many different people in my life. It seems like there is no hope for me anymore. I guess all I can really do is just deal with one issue at a time, and continue to come here to vent and emote so that I don't keep it all bottled up inside.

I'm not looking for pity or encouragement or anything like that. I just need some understanding.