Passions

The next item on the list (and today is an appropriate time to write about it, I think) is:




8. What are 5 passions you have?




~EQUAL RIGHTS~
          I believe that all humans across the entire planet deserve equal rights. Women, children, minorities, LGBTQ, et cetera. We are humans. We are all created when sperm meets egg. We all die. We all have blood running through our veins. We all breathe oxygen in order to live. All the rest is just details. I believe that no one person or group of persons should be treated any differently than the next. 




~ANIMALS~
          I love animals of all sorts. I grew up with the regular cats & dogs as pets, but we also at one time or another had: chickens, rabbits, tarantulas, horses, snakes, fish, birds, hamsters, hedgehogs, and frogs. My love of animals was instilled in me at a very young age. I also love wild animals. Going to the zoo is a spectacular treat for me!! I adore elephants. I can spend hours just watching them. I also love farm animals. I just love ALL animals! I want to pet them, protect them, love them, and take care of them. It makes me truly happy.




~MUSIC~
          Music is pretty big in my family. I have some aunts & uncles that actually had a gospel singing group that traveled around and performed. Another of my aunts can play the piano by ear. We're all big singers. I've even participated in a singing competition (a la American Idol or The Voice) in Nashville where I got to actually perform on the stage of the Grand Ole Opry. I play trumpet. My Mom plays piano. My brother plays drums. My Dad is a fantastic singer. Music is what I turn to when I am upset and need to balance myself out again. Music feeds my soul. 




~FAMILY~
          There is nothing more important in life than family. And that doesn't have to mean blood relatives. Family is what you make of it. I am blessed to have an awesome family. My parents are amazing people. My brother is my heart. My niece & nephew mean more than the world to me. I would lay down my life for my family. But I'm even more fortunate to have an extended family of very close friends & loved ones who mean just as much to me as if we were blood relatives. I can't begin to list them here, or the blog would never end. And that's the beauty of family. It changes... it ebbs & flows... but is always never-ending.




~EDUCATION~
          Never. Stop. Learning.


          Evolution is a daily thing and necessary to survival. We evolve every day that we learn something new. Adding knowledge helps us grow. We become more compassionate, more tolerant, more forgiving, more accepting, more empathetic, and more powerful with every new piece of information. I believe that one should never end their quest for knowledge. Even if it's something as elementary as adding a new word to your vocabulary every day, never stop learning.

Moving on with the Survery

7. What is your dream job, and why?




The answer to this question has evolved with me as I have grown up over the years. 


When I was a kid - think 5 or 6 years old - I wanted to be a race car driver. I wanted to go fast!! Perhaps that explains my tendency to speed  when I really do know better :)


I got a little bit older, and I was fascinated with all things space-related. So I was determined to be an astronaut one day. Then the whole Challenger explosion happened when I was in the fourth grade, and Christa McAuliffe was blown up. That sort of scared me a little bit.


By the time I was in high school, I had settled on being a teacher. I wanted to teach English. Until my Spanish teacher Deborah Sams came along. I adored her!! And she made me LOVE Spanish. So then, I was definitely going to be a Spanish teacher. I even won a small scholarship based on my intentions to be a secondary education major.


Once I got to college, I realized just how much I truly loved the theater. I had always been part of drama programs and play productions all throughout school. In college, everything was on such a grander scale with professional tech equipment.... I was mesmerized. I had always been told what a good mimic I was. In fact, one of my Granny's favorite things was to ask me to do impressions of people she knew. It cracked her up, and I loved being able to entertain her. AHA!! I was destined to be a performer!! So I switched my major to Theater Arts and prepared myself for impending fame.


... ... ... ... and about 4 years in, I realized I would never be famous. It is *WAY* more work and financial investment than one would realize to market yourself successfully and get sustainable acting work. Bummer :(


In my relatively short life, I have held a multitude of jobs: busboy, grocery cashier, Ripley's ticket agent, hotel reservation clerk, retail slave, office manager, human resources generalist, admin assistant, cost accounting clerk, and finally, payroll specialist. Whew!


At this point in my life, I couldn't imagine anything more fulfilling and joyful than being a zookeeper. 


Wait, what? That came out of nowhere, right? Not really. I have always been a lover of all kinds of animals. We always had numerous pets as I grew up. Dad even raised chickens and rabbits at one point. Cats, dogs, snakes, hamsters, birds, fish...even a tarantula! We had a great horse for a little while. Any animal was welcome in the Miller household. So, why would a veterinary career not be my passion? Because seeing animals suffer breaks my heart so badly that I don't think I could be effective in that field. I get too attached too quickly. I would wind up having 40 dogs and cats at home because I couldn't bear the thought of any animal going unwanted :( 


I LOVE THE ZOO. I love going to see all of those amazing animals that I otherwise wouldn't have a chance to interact with. They fascinate me. Elephants are my very favorite creatures. I think that as an enrichment zookeeper, I could get that personal interaction that I want & be able to build relationships with the animals, without the looming threat of pain & suffering every day. Because, honestly, most pet owners only take their animals to the vet when they are getting their yearly check-up or if there's something wrong. The animals in the zoo are well-cared for on a daily basis, so as an enrichment zookeeper, I would be the person making their lives more fun and interesting every day. I would get to see their excitement and happiness versus the upset and discomfort of a vet's office.


So, if my dreams ever come true, I will be the chick you see giving giant blocks of ice with watermelons frozen inside to the elephants. Or playing with the gorillas. Or feeding the lions a special treat. What fun!!

Sixpence

Shall we continue?




6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?




So far, the hardest thing I have ever experienced was my break-up with my ex-boyfriend EJ. We had been together for almost 10 years (only 2 months short of our anniversary) when he dropped the bomb on me. I really should have seen it coming, but I was in denial. Our relationship had been extraordinarily strained for at least a year and a half or more before he ended things, but I always held onto the hope that he would come back to me for good. There's so much story behind exactly what led to our demise, but to be respectful of him and his new life, I won't go into details. The wonderful thing of it all, is that although I lost my fiance that day, I never lost my best friend, and my gratitude for THAT outweighs any grief I felt at the time.


When he came home to tell me that he was leaving me, my heart was absolutely broken. I begged him to change his mind... to remember how good we used to be... to think about how this would destroy my life as I knew it. And bless his heart, he felt horrible about it. I could see the pain in his eyes that afternoon. I knew how much it hurt him to see how devastated I was. But it truly was the right path to take, and fortunately, he was strong enough to be the one to make that decision for both of us so we could both move on and be happy. At the time, I felt like I would never stop crying. Even after the gut-wrenching sobs had subsided and I found myself sitting on the couch silently looking out the window, the tears still flowed freely down my cheeks. I was numb for the next couple of days. Everything I had ever known since leaving college 10 years prior had just evaporated in a matter of moments. I didn't know how to cope. I walked around at work in a fog, and when I was at home, I just sat and stared off into space. It was honestly the most blank I have ever been in my life.


That was in May of 2008. Here I sit 4 years later, happiest that I have ever been, and eternally grateful to EJ for severing that frayed rope that I held onto for way too long. I never believed that I could live a life without him, so I was too scared to take that step on my own. He set me free, and in turn, I learned just how strong I was and discovered the Penny that I am today.

Deep V

Shall we continue, friends? Yes, let's.




5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?




Wow.... Ironic that this question comes just 2 days after my beloved Star lost her job, and it feels like nothing is happy at all right now. But maybe it's fate... This is going to force me to tune into my positivity and recognize the happiness that I *do* have in my life. Time to quit fretting and get happy!

• Michelle Star Langley. She is without a doubt, the most fulfilling love I have experienced in my short life. She is totally unexpected. My relationship is totally unexpected. None of this was in my "plan". But it is extraordinarily wonderful! Even when we are stressed & worried, we are still deeply in love and devoted. And that makes me incredibly happy :)

• Cool spring nights. I love the way the warmth of the day fades into a crisp cool breeze in the evening. The flowers smell sweeter just after dusk. The birds chirp a little more (I like to think they're telling each other about their day). And the frogs start singing again.

• The idea that I may get to go on vacation with my parents in August. I don't get to see them very often, and I miss them terribly. The thought that I will get to spend a week with them in one of my favorite cities makes me very happy. I just pray that with the recent changes in our income, I'll still be able to afford going. I need this vacation!

• Charley completing high school. I was very worried that he wouldn't be able to remain focused enough to complete his classes. But he did it!! And I am so very proud of him. He may only be a step-son to me, but I care about him & worry about his future just as much as if I gave birth to him myself. I've watched him struggle this past year so much. So to know he completed everything all on his own makes me very proud and very happy.

• Realizing what an amazing network of friends, acquaintances, and family that I have supporting me every step of the way, fills me with joy. Everyone has their own problems to deal with. There are issues that we all face every day. So when a friend takes the time to commiserate with me, or encourage me, or just offer a kind word... I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I am so happy to have so many people who genuinely care for me. It's so peaceful to have that much reinforcement in my life. I feel safe. And that's a happy feeling, indeed!

Deep 4: Live Deep or Die Shallow

Continuing on our little saga....




4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

• Don't be so serious. Have a little fun. It's okay to act stupid and be silly. 

• Use moisturizer every day!

• Be more confident. If you like a boy, just tell him! The worst thing that could happen is that he doesn't like you back. Big deal. It's his loss, girl! 

• Stay in chorus. Ms. Brasfield can be annoying, but you actually have a talent. And if you stick it out, who knows how far you could go?

• You know all that stuff the orthodontist told you? About using the super-floss and brushing after every single time you eat? He knows what he's talking about. Just do it. Also, the retainer thing WORKS. Wear it exactly like you're supposed to. Otherwise, your teeth will start to lose their position that you worked so hard for, and you will be 30 years old wondering if getting braces again is a good idea.

• Don't hold so many grudges. You're going to grow up to be a totally different person than you are right now. So don't hold your friends to such high standards. They will change, too. It's the natural order of things.

• Be kind. Yes, your friends seem to enjoy your sarcastic snarkiness, but it only makes you look like a jackass later on down the line. You hurt a lot of people's feelings in an attempt to preserve your own. And that's just not the right way to go about it.

• Save your money. Magazines, sunglasses, and cassette tapes are awesome, but what's even more awesome is being able to buy exactly the kind of stuff you want when you go off to college. If you save your money, you can be a little more relaxed as a college freshman instead of working all the time and feeling like you never get a break.

• Take a year or two off before beginning college. You need a break to be a semi-adult and figure out what's the most important to you before you start paying tuition on classes that will ultimately NOT be what you want to do with your life.

• Don't chase "love" (or your childish notion of it) so hard. When the right person comes along, things will fall so naturally into place that you won't even know what hit you. You don't HAVE to have a boyfriend to be "normal". Love YOURSELF, and other people will be drawn to that. You're worth more than the lonely broken heart you lug around all the time.

Deep 3

Next self-exploration topic:


3. Describe your relationship with your parents.




My parents are wonderful. They are vastly different from one another, and balance each other out in their parenting styles. Mom was always the comforter & the peace-maker. If my heart was hurting and I just needed sympathy, Mom was the best. Dad was more of the builder & strengthener. If I needed to hear the hard truth with no sugar-coating, he was there to give the bad news in life, but never in a harsh or ugly way. It was always given in an Aesop Fable kind of way: what can you learn from this? What is the moral of the story? How can you change your actions or expectations to make it better the next time?


Mom wants to make the world a wonderful place for her kids. Dad wants to teach us how to make the best out of the world we are faced with. Here's an example of that... After my freshman year of college, I had counted on my parents coming to help me move out of my dorm. I just knew that they would be coming to help me cart all my stuff down the 3 flights of the stairs and then load it into my car. I kinda fiddled around with boxes and packing that morning, and when Mom wasn't there when she said she should be, I called... Dad had instructed her not to come. And he wouldn't be coming either. There was no need for her to take a day off work to come help me do what I could do myself. I was livid at the time. And my feelings were extremely hurt, too. Why would he leave me stranded like that?? Why on earth did I deserve that kind of treatment?? I was forced to figure out how to move all of my stuff and get every bit of it packed into my car because I certainly couldn't make 2 trips to move. It had to be done at once. I cried. I cursed. I was pissed off. And it drove me to get it done. And I did it. And I did a damn good job. And I would have NEVER figured out how to do that on my own if he hadn't have made Mom stay at work that day. It was necessarily the nicest way to teach me a lesson in independence, but it's what it took to get through to me. And it worked. 


My Dad has made me tough, independent, inventive, a fighter, and a demander of exactly what I want & deserve. My Mom has made me compassionate, giving, tolerant, and forgiving. They are both very big parts of me. And they are my best friends. I am 35 years old, and the thing I am looking most forward to this year is getting to go on vacation again with my parents for the 3rd year in a row. I cherish those weeks I get to spend with them. I miss them terribly. I wish I lived closer to them. And that speaks louder about my relationship with my parents than any words I could put down in print can. 

Delving deep... part 2

So the next item on the list (see yesterday's post) is:


2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

• Fear of dying all alone.
• Not really sure how this one got started. Maybe I'm just that needy. I think it's just endlessly heartbreaking when I hear about people who are found dead in their homes days or weeks after they have expired. Did NO ONE care enough to wonder where they were? Didn't ANYBODY notice that they hadn't heard from their friend/mom/brother/cousin in the past couple of days?? It just seems so lonely and isolated to leave the world like that. And I desperately don't my life to end that way.

• Fear of falling.
• I am super clumsy. Mostly because I just plow through whatever it is I'm doing like a bull in a china shop. I'm not delicate in ANYTHING that I do, so I tend to trip a lot. Bump into a lot of things. Bang my elbow on stuff. Stub my toes on furniture.... The list goes on and on. As graceful as I am (ha!), I am always holding my breath when I feel my balance start to go. I just KNOW that one of these times I will fall and break a bone. I've never broken a major bone (pinky toes don't count as real breaks), but I hear that is extraordinarily painful. Add in the fact that I am super obese, and the possible complications from an injury caused by a fall multiply greatly. I'm just always scared that I will fall, break something, and wind up being immobile. That's a very scary prospect.

• Fear of disappointing the people I love.
• This may seem silly to most people, but for me, it is VERY real. I don't have any fears other than the 2 I listed already. But thinking that I am going to disappoint somebody important to me cripples me psychologically. It shuts me down and I can't function. If I know that someone I love is upset with me, or disappointed with me, or is ashamed of me... my day is completely ruined. Count me out until tomorrow, because I am so ashamed of myself for hurting someone, that I am useless for the rest of the day  :(

Let's delve deep, shall we?

So today I found a nifty list of 30 things to ask your significant other. It's supposed to be a great relationship tool to help you learn more about one another and understand each other better.


I'm going to complete it just because I'm a list nerd, and for some ridiculous reason, love filling out questionnaires, surveys, and other general nonsense.


In an attempt not to drive you totally insane, dear reader, I will only answer one thing on the list in each post. 


Ready? Here we go....


1. List 20 random facts about yourself.

• I have competed in a singing contract competition in Nashville. Think American Idol, but not televised. I got to stand on the circle of stage from the Ryman Auditorium that has been placed in the Grand Ole Opry :)

• My favorite color was purple when I was a teenager. Now it's orange.

• I worked at Ripley's Believe It or Not! Museum in Myrtle Beach, SC when I lived there during college.

• The toenails on my pinky toes are super tiny. You can barely see them.

• Speaking of toenails, mine are painted 95% of the time.

• I absolutely HATE wintergreen-flavored anything.

• I'm a grammar nazi on the internet.

• If I don't make a list, I am very easily sidetracked. If I'm cleaning house, I make a list of everything I want to get accomplished. If I'm packing a suitcase, I make a list of everything I need to take. If I don't make a list, it will NOT get done.

• I can whistle.

• I wanted to be a race-car driver when I was a little girl. I saw the movie Heart Like a Wheel when I was a kid, and I was in LOVE with fast cars. It's all I wanted to do for the longest time.

• I'm not a big fan of coffee.

• I LOVE dragons!!!

• I tried to suffocate my baby brother when he was just a few months old. Wasn't being homicidal. Just thought the pillow over his head would make him stop crying. 

• I was born with red hair and blue eyes.

• I missed being in the top 10% of my graduating high school class by TWO spots.

• I have precognitive dreams on a fairly regular basis.

• I have a tattoo of a turtle on my ankle because my Dad called me Turtle when I was as kid.

• I play XBOX 360. Too much.

• My favorite photographer is Robert Mapplethorpe.

• I could eat Mexican food every day. Every single day. I'm not even kidding!

My, how Time Flies

I honestly do mean to be better about this blog thing. It's just that I share so much on Facebook that it seems redundant to talk about stuff here.

So.... what's new since Sept 2011?

• Step-daughter moved back to Rockwood
• Step-son placed in GAP program at school so that he can graduate on time
• Star PROPOSED!! We are now engaged :)
• My grandfather passed away in January just before his birthday
• Star got hired on at the same place that I work
• Star has had TWO grandbabies born
• Star got a new tattoo
• We gained a teenager when Charley's best friend moved in with us after some unfavorable circumstances at home.

Wow. It's only been 6 months. Seems like we've been busy!