exhausted

I have no right to complain. The other girls in the office have had to put in a *LOT* more time than me. But I am absolutely exhaused. When I left work today (at 7pm), I had already racked up 19 hours of OT in the past two weeks. And I have to work again tomorrow.

Have I mentioned yet how much year-end sucks when you work in the Finance department of a major food manufacturing facility?

Paycheck will be good, but morale is way way down. Heaven help me.

tired

i know i haven't posted in a few days... i have been SO tired. this week is the last week of our fiscal year at work, and i am busting my hump trying to clean up all old invoices, etc so that i have a clean cut-off. i don't realize how intensely i am focusing until i get home after work and realize just how tense my body feels and how exhausted i am. thank goodness there's only 2 (maybe 3) days left of this intensity level. next week will be demanding, also, with final reports and validations and stuff. but at least i can breathe easier once June 1st appears on my calendar.

thinking of maybe taking a very special roadtrip next weekend to celebrate. if i can pull together the funds, i am definitely doing it!

ugh

why can i never follow through on anything i say i'm going to do?

all the cleaning i have done consists of 3 sinkfuls of dishes and 2 loads of laundry

i am useless

does it make me racist?

I don't think it does, but.... I'm not entirely sure that my feelings toward non-American residents in this country aren't racist in some way. Let me explain:

I feel that if I were to move to a foreign country, let's say... SWEDEN... it would be appropriate of me to try to have at least a basic knowledge of common phrases and conversational items in SWEDISH. Since it is their language, and I did choose to live there. That's a reasonable expectation, I think. Furthermore, I would feel somewhat obliged to become familiar with their culture & customs so that I could better understand my new neighbors, yes? This would be a respectful way of honoring the citizens of Sweden who are being so kind and welcoming to me, a new citizen. Are we all in agreement so far?

I swear to you that I am NOT talking about the Hispanic or Latino community. The people that are pissing me off in a major way are the idiots who contact me on yahoo messenger using VERY broken English, asking completely inappropriate questions, and suggesting that because I am merely female I must certainly need their attention, as I could not possibly be fulfilled without a man to "take care your needs". UGH!!!

To all you men of Middle Eastern, Indian, and Egyptian descent: I am an American Woman. This means I am independent. I can take care of myself. I don't need a MAN to help me survive each day that I wake. Just because I am single/fat/over 30/etc, does NOT mean that I am desperately craving your conversation.

It drives me insane to receive these condescending, half-gibberish messages from men who think that I need to be rescued from the world. So does that make me racist?

clean clean clean

I desperately need to clean my house. That's what I plan to do with my weekend. I'm going to purge and pack and store and scrub. Doesn't that sound like loads of fun?

Seriously though, I think that finally removing every last bit of EJ's stuff out of this house will help me to move forward. Monday will mark one year since we split up, and I still have days where I feel like nothing is right with me anymore. If I can clean this place up and feel like I have accomplished something, I think I can allow myself to move towards the future. It's not like I sit around thinking that one day EJ and will magically fall back in love. HA!!! But I do have days when it's harder than others to cope with the pain and the loss that I still feel. Ten years is a LONG time to share every aspect of your life with someone. It doesn't all just disappear overnight.

So if anyone is bored and wants to come help me purge & scrub, I'd be thrilled to get the help. LOL..... like anyone would really volunteer. Ha.

need a haircut

My hair is getting really long. It's almost as long as it was in high school. When I tilt my head back, the bottom of my hair just touches the small of my back. I got a shag haircut last fall, and loved it at first, but I'm trying to let the layers grow out enough now so that when I do go get it cut to one length, I'll still have plenty of length left. Know what I mean? I know the ladies know exactly what I'm talking about.

Anyway. Nothing very exciting going on with me. Work is ramping up for our fiscal year-end and I stay busy. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can resolve all of my outstanding invoices so that my final balance sheet validation is crystal clear. If any of you know what that means, welcome to my hell. LOL

Very productive at work today. Got a lot accomplished. Yay for me! :)

Went grocery shopping tonight... always hate that. But I signed up for that couponsuzy.com website that you see advertised on tv sometimes, and every now & then, you really do get GOOD coupons. I got a box of Kraft Deluxe Shells & Cheese for $1 after the coupon I printed from couponsuzy. The DELUXE box, y'all. Not the grody powder cheese, but the good stuff. Recently, I've gotten a lot of good coupons for cereal and Kashi products, which I love. I recommend the site. There is, of course, a lot of fluff crap that nobody on the planet cares about, but the good coupons are there at least once or twice a month. I typically save about $10 - $20 each month with the coupons I print from that site. It's worth downloading the free program, I think.

For those of you with smaller children, I've seen a lot of diaper and children's product coupons lately. I've been signed up since this past fall, and the coupons rotate in and out. And you get an e-mail when new coupons have been added. If you decide to try it & just hate it, I'm very sorry. But I honestly do think it's worth your time to at least check it out.

How stinking adorable are my niece & nephew? I miss them so much :(

ABC's of Me

A - Age: 32

B - Bed size: King

C - Chore you hate: washing dishes

D - Dogs or cats: Dogs

E - Essential start your day item: music

F - Favorite color: orange

G - Gold or Silver: Silver

H - Height: 5'6"

I - Instruments you played: piano & trumpet

J - Job title: Finance Specialist II

K - Kid(s): none :(

L - Loud or quiet: depends on my mood

M - Mom's name: Donna

N - Nicknames: Turtle, Penstance, JC, Pennz

O - Overnight hospital stay: none (knock on wood)

P - Pet Peeve: tardiness & people who talk in movies

Q - Favorite quote from a movie: "I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her."

R - Right or left handed: Right

S - Siblings: younger brother Scott

T - Time you wake up: shortly after 7am

U- Underwear: is chosen according to the occasion

V - Vegetable you dislike: turnips

W - Ways you run late: getting food - stupid drive-thru lanes

X - X-rays you've had: lower GI, teeth

Y - Yummy food you make: i'm a pretty good cook, but Thanksgiving is the day I truly shine :)

Z - Zoo favorite: elephant

yay weekend!

I am SO glad the weekend is finally here. This week was HELL at work. One of the people I work with in the Corporate office was out on vacation this week, and the girl who covered her job was AWFUL. There was lots of stuff messed up with my payroll, and I was beyond frustrated Monday afternoon. I will be so very glad that my regular person is back come Monday :)

There's been so much negative energy at work lately because of the implementation of a new operating system this month. All that kvetching for the past few weeks has just smashed my morale into oblivion. I've tried very hard to remain positive and to block out the complaining and griping, but it's really hard to do that...... and then I had an a-ha moment....

That must be exactly what my co-workers feel like when *I* am kvetching, complaining, and griping about something that has gone wrong for me... like a bad payroll run :(

So, even though I know it will be difficult some days, my pledge to myself for the next six months is to count to 5 before I complain about anything at work. If I take the time to stop my mouth from running before I have even finished processing my negative thoughts, I will be a more productive employee and a more pleasant co-worker with which to share office space. Hopefully. I don't know.... all this happy-happy stuff annoys even me sometimes. LOL

But the ONLY thing I can control is my reaction to things around me. If I pledge to refrain from my negative reactions, maybe I will be better equipped to let others' negative reactions roll right off my back like water off a duck's butt :)

I'm tired. Time to stop rambling now. LOL

voting buttons

by the way, i got bored and put feedback buttons on my posts. now you can let me know what you think of my posts without the hassle of actually having to type words in the comment page. you can just clickety-click your mouse and VOILA!

yeah, i know... but i'm bored and lonely. what else do you expect from me?

narcoleptic

I think maybe I have become narcoleptic. I cannot seem to stay awake at work during the day. I even came home on my lunch hour today & took a nap, hoping that would help. Not so much. And then, once I got home from work, I sat down on the couch to watch some of my DVR'ed stuff and fell asleep again.

I fear I am going to HAVE to get my big fat butt in gear and lose this weight, as well as see the sleep specialist. ENT doc told me it was almost certain I had sleep apnea, but I haven't gone to get the sleep study because they're so expensive & it's a massive ordeal to get it approved for insurance.

But if I'm sleeping so poorly that I'm zonking out at work, and then again when I get home, obviously I have to do something.

Sucks. Oh well. At least I'm still alive, right? Can't really complain too much... alive, roof over head, food in fridge, gainful employment.... yeah, I'm pretty damn good overall :)

Fun Times

So, after work, I went and got my tan on for a few minutes, and then EJ and I drove to Knoxville to meet our mutual friend Trae for dinner at a new Indian restaurant and to see Star Trek in Imax.

I had never eaten Indian food before - all I knew was that curry is a predominant spice in Indian cuisine, and I don't like curry. I wound up ordering something called Lamb Rogan Josh that was REALLY good. Just a simple lamb stew served over rice. We got some garlic naan to go with it (a flat bread). I was very pleasantly surprised. Good stuff, and I will go back again. Trae - who is the pickiest eater on the planet - got Mango Lamb, and EJ got Mango Chicken. I'm not a big fan of mangoes, so I didn't try theirs, but it all smelled wonderful.

After dinner we went to see the new Star Trek movie in Imax. I am in no way, shape, or form, a Star Trek fan. But the trailers have looked intriguing for this film, and everyone who has seen it has given positive reviews regardless of their placement on the "Trekkie" continuum of fan devotion.

It
Was
AWESOME
!!!!!!!!!!!

GREAT action, GREAT humor, GREAT character development, GREAT dialogue. I loved it. In fact, I loved it so much, that if they decide to pursue another film with this cast, I will DEFintely go see it. The casting was just Brilliant. I loved every minute from start to finish. All this raving praise from a person who would rather turn off the television and scrub toilets than watch a single episode of the original television series.

I think that speaks for itself.

You MUST go see it!

funny pic

Thought I'd give you guys something to laugh about. I have a tendency to behave like a lunatic in front of a camera. This is evidence of my psychosis.

dinner - mom's casserole

Tonight I am making my mom's famous broccoli chicken casserole for dinner. Doesn't sound so spectacular, but my GOD, the way this thing tastes.... Have Mercy! It's loaded with so much butter and mayonnaise that Paula Deen would be jealous. It is most certainly NOT a body-friendly meal, but I only make it once or twice a year - if that. So I can live with the short-term consequences.

Tonight is the Top 3 in American Idol. I need to start watching. They always run over at the end, and my DVR is too inconsiderate to keep recording for me, so I need to zoom thru the commercials to get to the end before it's too late.

Ciao Bellas~

SO frustrated

So back in February (I think) a friend of mine fixed my pc. He did a fantastic job. I am *sooooooo* happy with the performance of the computer. I am quite pissed, however, at MYSELF, for saving the wrong iTunes library when it was time to migrate all my files back onto the hard drive. I saved one of EJ's old folders (mostly stuff I'm just not that crazy about) instead of my own.

I can recreate my library by sitting here for days on end ripping all of my cd's again, but that is a TOTAL drag, so I'm not looking forward to it. I haven't checked it before now because honestly, I was too lazy to get my iPod plugged back in to charge. I only got it out to buy & load the new BEP song "Boom Boom Pow". When I plugged it up and went to re-sync my stuff, all of my music was gone. Vamoose. Adios. Sayanara.

At least I could recover the stuff I had purchased directly from Apple.

So for the next 2 or 3 weeks, I'll be right here ripping cd's trying to get back up to speed. Sigh.

lazy sunday

pretty lazy day just bumming around the house with my buddy Pico. we've watched some tv, taken a nap (or maybe two LOL), eaten dinner, and surfed the net.

had fun yesterday despite the rain, and had a good time when i went out last night, as well. got to meet a few new people who were pretty damn fun to hang out with.

back to normal boring life tomorrow, though. ugh. planning on seeing Star Trek movie this week. and i don't even LIKE Star Trek. that's how good the trailers are for this movie!! LOL

I got to be one of the judges at today's "Womanless Beauty Pageant" at the Relay for Life event. It was *SO MUCH FUN*!!!

These 'girls' rocked it hard. We had 5 contestants, and every single one of them were absolutely fabulous. The second runner-up was part Polynesian, and did an awesome Hula dance for his talent portion. I was very impressed at how well he could move those hips! LOL

First runner-up was Chi Chi, a Puerto Rican from California with outstanding hair (that was actually his own). Full of sass and sexiness, I wish the points could have worked out for her to win :(

The winner was a huge tall guy in a toga with full beard to go along with his make-up. The Ladies' Fellowship of his church convinced to be in the pageant, and I'm sure he did them proud. The best part of his schtick was the cute little poem he wrote & recited for his talent. The last line was something to the effect of... he should win this event because there was no one who was Less of woman than him. LOL

It rained REALLY hard today, so the turn-out wasn't very big for the event, but I had a LOT of fun judging the contest at least. I had some fantastic shrimp boil, too. $10 bought me a to-go container Full of huge shrimp, smoked sausage, potatoes and corn on the cob. Justin Wilson would have been proud. That was some DAMN fine shrimp boil!!!

I'm headed out tonight to have some fun. Kick up my heels and let go of some of my worries for a while. Maybe I'll track down Chi Chi and get her to do my hair...........

what a week!!

It's been one HELL of a week. Very dramatic, emotional, stressful, chaotic.... I am so glad the weekend is officially here.

I was supposed to have a date tonight, but we had to postpone. But I have mostly caught up with stuff on my DVR and washed a load of laundry.

Tomorrow should be very busy for me:
-go tanning when I get up
-go by the pharmacy
-shower & get ready for Relay for Life event (volunteering in concession truck)
-come home & nap
-shower & get ready to go out to the club for some fun & relaxation
-party like a rockstar

May 9th is my ex's birthday and I've been feeling kind of sad about the whole thing. Hopefully, by keeping myself busy I'll be able to shift my focus and keep my mind off of it.

Send me lots of love vibes & good karma, people! I need it!!!

sad

I am feeling overwhelmingly sad lately. There seems to be so much going on with so many of the people I love. And I feel like there's nothing I can do. Some of the crap is stuff that was caused by my actions, or at least involves my reactions. So some of it can be blamed on me. I always think of myself in a positive way... I try very hard not to be a burden or albatross to anyone. But I'm only human. And sometimes I do things that are hurtful, or I make a bad choice, or I behave poorly. But I never have bad intentions - I just screw up sometimes.

I think of myself as generous, caring, and compassionate. But the instant that I do or say something out of my normal character, people forget the good qualities that I have like they never even existed. Have people just stopped forgiving each other? Is that why it's so hard for me to cope with this pain? Do I forgive too easily and not realize that other people don't? I just don't know anymore.

I feel myself sliding into a very depressed state of mind. I'm honestly not sure where to start to get myself back on track. I think it would be beneficial for me to see a therapist, but I just don't have that kind of money. There are so many issues weighing on my mind right now with many different people in my life. It seems like there is no hope for me anymore. I guess all I can really do is just deal with one issue at a time, and continue to come here to vent and emote so that I don't keep it all bottled up inside.

I'm not looking for pity or encouragement or anything like that. I just need some understanding.

mother's day cards

I think they should make Mother's Day cards for pet parents. I have no human children (which saddens me greatly), but I am the sole provider for my dog. I think that I deserve to get a nice card on Mother's Day. Caring for a dog is, in some sense, like caring for a child, right?

I mean, I feed him; bathe him; play with him; give him treats when he's been good; discipline him when he's been bad; teach him new things; provide shelter; ensure his well-being.... Don't I deserve a card?

Hell. At least give me a sticker or something. LOL

Despite the rain...

Despite the rain, I had a really good day today! :)

Went to Knoxville to drop off some books that a friend had lent to me. Then got two new pairs of tennis shoes that are Awesome. Yay! I have been in desperate need of new tennies for a long time. Then went to Barnes & Noble to use a giftcard I received back at Christmas. Got a new Stephen King novel and a cool travel book. Then met my friends Misti & Lynn at Petsmart to give a dog crate to them (also lent to me by above-mentioned friend). After the exchange, I went in to Petsmart and got some fun new stuff for my beloved Pico.

When I got home, I put on my tanning accelerator/bronzer and headed over to the tanning place. Rounded out the day by going to dinner with my work buddy Linda. And despite the crappy crappy rain that seems determined to fall for all eternity, I had a great day. Too bad I have to go back to work tomorrow. UGH...

dreary day

I had tentatively planned on going out tonight, but think I have decided to just make it a pizza & movie night at home. The rain makes me so sleepy, and I've been useless all day...

Poor Pico is bored to tears and I feel guilty for not being more fun. Maybe he and I will take another drive through the mountains tonight. He loves going for car rides. Would at least be a change of scenery for a couple of hours.

Pico is Deranged

My dog Pico is hilarious. He has mental issues, but that's part of what makes him so funny. LOL

In the video attached here, what you can't see just beyond the door frame is a large mirror propped against the wall. Every so often (and only when Pico is bored or I'm not paying enough attention to him), he will stop and stare at himself in the mirror and start barking at "the other dog". It makes me laugh til I nearly pee my pants.

I was trying to catch him in the act, but as you will see, he stops as soon as I am paying attention to him. He is SUCH a ham.... as soon as he knows someone is watching, he's happy as can be. I guess I'm not the only actor in the family! LOL


Sorry for the grainy quality - it's from my cell phone.