Sixpence

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6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?




So far, the hardest thing I have ever experienced was my break-up with my ex-boyfriend EJ. We had been together for almost 10 years (only 2 months short of our anniversary) when he dropped the bomb on me. I really should have seen it coming, but I was in denial. Our relationship had been extraordinarily strained for at least a year and a half or more before he ended things, but I always held onto the hope that he would come back to me for good. There's so much story behind exactly what led to our demise, but to be respectful of him and his new life, I won't go into details. The wonderful thing of it all, is that although I lost my fiance that day, I never lost my best friend, and my gratitude for THAT outweighs any grief I felt at the time.


When he came home to tell me that he was leaving me, my heart was absolutely broken. I begged him to change his mind... to remember how good we used to be... to think about how this would destroy my life as I knew it. And bless his heart, he felt horrible about it. I could see the pain in his eyes that afternoon. I knew how much it hurt him to see how devastated I was. But it truly was the right path to take, and fortunately, he was strong enough to be the one to make that decision for both of us so we could both move on and be happy. At the time, I felt like I would never stop crying. Even after the gut-wrenching sobs had subsided and I found myself sitting on the couch silently looking out the window, the tears still flowed freely down my cheeks. I was numb for the next couple of days. Everything I had ever known since leaving college 10 years prior had just evaporated in a matter of moments. I didn't know how to cope. I walked around at work in a fog, and when I was at home, I just sat and stared off into space. It was honestly the most blank I have ever been in my life.


That was in May of 2008. Here I sit 4 years later, happiest that I have ever been, and eternally grateful to EJ for severing that frayed rope that I held onto for way too long. I never believed that I could live a life without him, so I was too scared to take that step on my own. He set me free, and in turn, I learned just how strong I was and discovered the Penny that I am today.